Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
