the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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