i don't like sucking hair
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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