What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
