So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
foreskin is a definite game changer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
