just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
