think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When are your genitals available?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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