lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
