Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
