is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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