I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
