Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
