I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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