before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
