If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
