Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
