I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize