it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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