I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
