"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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