My first STD was from a foam party
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
