and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dicks are not precious.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize