Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
