she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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