I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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