My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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