just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
