Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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