I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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