I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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