Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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