Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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