im having a threesome with these popsicles
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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