I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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