All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
