nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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