The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
