If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize