He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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