This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize