Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
