Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
