I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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