I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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