Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
