Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
