I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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