Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
