What a fucking waste of an outfit
Its about making memories worth repressing
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
