Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
