There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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