Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
