I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
