I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
