Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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