I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
