I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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