Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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