She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
