Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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