After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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