It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
