So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
