i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
