you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
