He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dignity is for republicans.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize