just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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