btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
