On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
