mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
