3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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