I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
