I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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