Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
