I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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