You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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