Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
