The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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