they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
