You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
