So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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