i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's get the cat blown out
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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