I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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