I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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