She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
