its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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