Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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