My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize