i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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