He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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