I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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