Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
