Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
