Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
