He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
