I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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