I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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