your room smells of hookers.
And success
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
