how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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