So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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