i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
