come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We named our party play list daddy issues
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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