first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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