Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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