you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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