id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
