Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
