Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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