I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
