dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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