Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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