Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dignity is for republicans.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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