I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
