sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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