just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
