PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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