things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize