so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
