Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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