remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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