I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this just has baby written all over it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize