I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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